This was supposed to be a happy transition from university to a graduate nurse, it was anything but. Being bullied and intimidate at work in a new job was horrendous especially as it was in an acute mental health ward and I was a graduate nurse. As some will know working in an acute ward is a very stressful place to be, a bit like being in a war zone. Probably not the most sensible place for a sensitive person like me to be working. Not that had entered mind at the time.
The funny thing was that for months before hand, my intuition was telling me not to go. I felt sick when I thought about it but in the end I thought, ‘I have spent all this time training, I need to make some money’.
I wasn’t being bullied by the clients I liked them, they were people with some big issues to try and deal with, it was by staff.
I felt disempowered, pretty useless, and very depressed. This was a place that should have been supporting me in learning about my new role, some of the staff did and there were shifts that I really enjoyed and felt like I was a contributing member of the team. But other days it was terrible. I keep telling myself you’ll be okay.
At the start I thought I could handle it but it’s like a leaky tap that constant dripping just broke me drip by drip. I cried a lot. I got to work some shifts and I didn’t want to go on the ward. There should have been support set up but there wasn’t and finally the inevitable happened. I couldn’t do it anymore.
The next few months were awful, I cried a lot, wouldn’t go out of the house, lost faith even though my guides were saying,’ It will be okay, this is something that you need to experience’. At that point I thought may be we should swap places.
I stopped meditating that was not wise, but I was in a dark place for sometime.
A thought kept floating round in the back of my mind about Transpersonal Counselling, so eventually I went and did some research on it and found that an information day was coming up. It was the first bit of hope that I had had in months. A friend came with me and we got all the information and I thought this is what I want to do.
I was still embroiled in work stuff but for the first time I was not so worried about it and my heart was feeling lighter.
I had no idea how I was going to pay for the course but I thought, ‘I am going to enrol and the rest can take care of it’s self.’
I had a dilemma though; my lawyer wanted to pursue them for damages and yes that would have helped financially. But I knew I was coming out of that black hole and I didn’t want to go back there so I said no, let it go, and moved forward. It was the best thing I ever did. I felt happier, with hope for the future and had something to work towards. My friend was going to join me in doing the course and that was a bonus. We had also been through our nursing training together.
So here are some of the things that helped me transition through that period in my life:
- Some of the things that did get me through that time were going out for walks. I always felt better when I was out in nature.
- A deep sense of knowing that this was for a reason and things would change.
- Writing a list of the things that I was grateful for.
- Working in the garden.
- My intuitive ability to be able to see and hear my guides.
In the early stages I couldn’t do any of these but gradually it passed. Meditation helped with this.
5 years on I have learnt a great deal from that experience.
- I will never allow anyone to treat me like that again.
- I am worth much more.
- I need to be responsible for where I put myself work wise that is to do with my sensitivity.
- I have the tools to now help others through change and transition.
- I meditate regularly.
- And I take time to put myself first (that one took awhile).
- To be in my own space when I get tired.
If you feel you are struggling through some change, transition in you life and could benefit from some help. I am available for an Intuitive Reading https://www.judithtehuia.com/my-services/intuitive-readings/
Transition Coaching Session https://www.judithtehuia.com/my-services/transition-coaching/ to help you over the hump.