I asked a question on Facebook last week and got some really good answers.
My question was:
What do you say to someone who says that they are too old to change or to learn something new?
Often we believe certain things about ourselves that aren’t really true, we may have been told that we are dumb, never amount too much, and so on when we were young. As we get older if this is the space we are still in and believing we can’t change and that we are too old to learn, it may just take someone to challenge those beliefs in order for us to start looking at life and ourselves differently. It maybe fear that is stopping us, fear of failure, fear of, “they were right all along”, fear of making a fool of ourselves. But there may also be some deep underlying block that stops us from achieving our goals or even attempting them.
I was never good at maths at school and in high school I didn’t take them. Maths seemed like a foreign language to me, I tried but nothing computed so I did my best to avoid them.
When I turned 55 I went to university to get my nursing degree and I needed maths for this. The lecturer who took us for maths would say, “now have you got that?” just assuming we all did and I would say,” no”. She would go over it again and it was still as blank as before we started.
I thought okay what am I going to do about this? I needed to find a way for me to learn this otherwise I am going to fail and that wasn’t going to happen. So I did. I got the easiest books that I could find in basic maths and each day I would sit down and go over and over them until I finally got it. I also went to see my lecturer privately and told her I was struggling. She told me that she had been like me and it was a reminder for her to remember that not all of us can get it easily. She spent some time going over the formulas with me and finally they started to make sense.
I could work them out and I started to do well. So if I can do it anyone can. It’s finding a way that suits you, getting some help and having some belief in your self and never giving up.
When anyone says to me that they are too old to change or learn anything new, my response is usually really !!!!!!! What makes you think that?
So how do you manage change in your life? Do you fight it? Get really annoyed and wish it would go away, or find positive ways to adjust and go with the flow.
Lets say things have been going along really well then everything seems to happen at once. You loose all the work you were doing on the computer. You go to get into your car and find the battery is flat so you are late for appointment.
The kids need new shoes and you don’t have the money. The rent is due and you are behind. Last week you were coping, this week the wheels dropped off, what happened?
I want to go for that promotion but I won’t get it.
I struggle with not being clear about where to next, but I am learning to just let things flow instead of needing to be in control all the time. Learning to really trust. Honestly even I’m not sure what comes next, although for others I might know, but for me that’s another story.
I feel half the time we just fight with ourselves our own journey and our inner knowing. So what can we learn from this?
- To be in touch with that inner knowing, believing in our intuition, gut feeling is what we need to spend our energy on.
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”- Khalil Gibran.
We can’t win all the battles and aren’t meant to. Working out which ones are important is the way to go, so here are some tips on how to do that.
Learning to just let go rather than the need to control situations is a good start.
- Write down the things that need to be sorted.
- Then work on them one at a time, not all at once.
- Ask yourself; “Can I do anything about this?
- If so what? Then do it, don’t procrastinate.
- If you can’t do anything then imagine you are handing the problem over to the universe and let it go.
- How hard is it for you to surrender and let go?
How about having a practice and seeing what happens?
It does make things a lot easier. We can chose to live in relative peace or utter chaos the choice is ours.
- Sometimes we may need to find out what the blocks are that keep us from obtaining our goals. Having help to look at things differently and give some clarity maybe all that is required.
- Making time for us is so important. If we spend every waking hour taking care of others how do we know what we want or where we want to go?
- You are important keep remembering this.
My new book ‘The Toolbox’ for life’s little emergencies, is about wanting to have some control back in your life, to have some peace, less stress, to stop worrying about day-to-day stuff. You want to find some time for yourself, some happiness, but you don’t think it is possible.
It’s full of tips and exercises to follow and for the next week it is available for $19.95 AUS plus postage, full price $21.95. It’s an idea gift for Mother for Mothers day. It is available on my webpage https://www.judithtehuia.com/product/the-toolbox/
Here is an exert from it.
My letter to Robin
I know you are at the point of thinking you can’t do this any more. The struggle is just becoming too much. You have tried the traditional medical model but don’t really want to go down that path again, so you are asking yourself, “What else is out there?” “Where can I go to find it?” I know you would like to try meditation, but you told me it all sounds too complicated. It doesn’t have to be. I can teach you how to do it.
You want to have some control back in your life, to have some peace, less stress, to stop worrying about day-to-day stuff. You want to find some time for yourself, some happiness, but you don’t think it is possible.
This is where I can help you and offer you the tools to get you to that place you want to go.
It’s not about trying to control situations around you. It is about how you react to them.
This book is an introduction to the tools you can learn to use to help you react differently, to connect with the problems and gain different solutions. It is about taking you on a journey of self-care to find your own inner help, wisdom and peace through meditation, relaxation techniques, changing your thoughts, using visualisation, taking care of self, and not feeling guilty.
We will walk through this book together, and when you reach the end you will be a very different person than when you began.
Remember, this is just the beginning of living your life in a more positive, fulfilling way.
Love and light,